There's no turning back now.

NA BEH.

When will I ever learn that the people that deserve my concern are not the ones I'm currently showering it on to?

Cheebs.

My erratic mood swings are getting the better of me. Yesterday I spent the whole day going from happy to sad then to happy and then sad again. Urgghhhh. So frustrating! I AM BLAMING THIS ON MY PERIOD. On a happy note. Pay day is coming! :D

It's ok. I can do this. Even if I'm on my own.

When I was 3. I didn't have to give two fucks about the world. Everything would be done for me, I'd be fed, get my nappy changed, someone would put on my socks and shoes.

When I was 13, I was starting to grow up, rebelling against the parentals. Insisting I was matured enough to handle every single fucking problem that life was going to throw at me. And well, that didn't work out too good. Not only was I grounded a good 80% of the time, I would run home to my mother to cry when I couldn't deal with silly prepubescent situations which comprised off: friends, girl/boyfriends, school, popularity, weight and acne.

In a week's time, I'm gonna be 23. I still cry to my mother but now there are more annoying things that are bugging me: job, income, future and babies. Yes babies. I want babies. Lots of babies. Like four of them and my biological clock is ticking away.

Anyway. Before I start skidding off course, tonight I came here to rant about what else. Life. I'm going to be fucking 23. I am an adult. I can't pretend I'm not one anymore. At 21, I was officially an adult, but that was me taking baby steps trying to stabilize myself being an adult. Two years have fucking passed and I'm still struggling to get a foot hold in life. Times have changed, I can't stop and reminisce about how life was like back in secondary school, or even poly. I've got to get up and start moving, start looking for that direction in life. I've got to start writing out plans. What if plan A fails? Do I have a plan B? What if L and I don't work out in the long run? I can't put all my eggs in one basket. I can't assume that he'll go away to study and then come back here and pick up where we left off and then we can carry out our fairytale wedding. Sure. It'd be swell if everything went according to plan. But what if they don't?

I had a dream back in secondary school, to be more exact. A dream job. I wanted to be a flight attendant. Yes suckers. I wanted to be an SQ girl. It took me almost ten years to finally have the guts to go for the interview. Did I get in? Nope. I didn't. But hey, at least I can strike that off my list knowing that I tried and didn't make it instead of wondering all along if I was going to don the kebaya. And you know, after the interview I realised. Everything I wanted in life, I basically got. I wanted to go to Ngee Ann, into a course I didn't qualify for. I got it. I wanted my current job, I got it. Actually, a lot of the jobs I wanted I got.  I would state other things I wanted and got, but those things are private.

Basically, you could/can call me un-materialistically spoilt. But anyway, back on course here. I got practically everything I wanted, everything I mapped my life out to be I got it. And that mile high job I didn't get. Well that, that made me open up my eyes and realise that in life, you always need a plan B, heck, you probably need a C, D, E and F even.

So when I turn 23, I'm going to stop being a kid. Stop living on daydreams, stop living on luck, stop living in the past and start knowing where life is going. To be more specific. Start knowing where I am going.

This year has been a challenge, a very big one. And I failed. But it's alright. There was no way to overcome it anyway. Judging from everything, the only way to deal with it is to just to pretend none of these people exist. And even though it is tough to do so, I will. After all, neither of you are an added value to my life. Cause the only prominent things I have seen you people do, is bring others down with you when you (all) are sinking.

Not very beneficial to anyone are you?

In a bid to shed some pounds and look smashing for Dim Sum land (and because I know I'm going to gain weight stuffing my face there) I have taken to drinking avocado milkshakes everyday. Yes, avocados are very rich in fat, but after watching videos I found out that it also has an agent that prevents fat from gaining on my already tubby self. Awesome right? And I already love drinking milk, so that's a bonus! HL milk everyday! :D

My tickets have been booked, and Disneyland is already in the itinerary! :D Hello cliche photo with Mickey! I am so so so so so so eggcited! :DDDDDDDDD

I am starting to have second thoughts about you, you, you and yes, you.